Establishing Healthy Limits to Protect Against Gaslighting in Your Relationship

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. This tactic is used to gain control and create dependency, leaving the victim feeling confused, anxious, and self-doubting.

“It is a form of psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, and control tactic often employed by narcissistic personalities. Victims of gaslighting feel helpless, powerless, depressed, anxious, and confused, constantly questioning themselves and their own reality. This emotional turmoil can lead to dependency on the gaslighter, seeking negative validation, and internalizing the abuser’s views, living in perpetual fear. Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for victims to protect their mental and emotional well-being,” says Sohini Rohra, Counselling Psychologist & Mental Health Advocate.

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional manipulation that can wreak havoc on one’s mental and emotional well-being. Anuradha Gupta, Founder & CEO of Vows For Eternity, opines, “Many individuals share heartbreaking stories of enduring its devastating effects. One client bravely recounted her experience with an ex-partner who consistently distorted facts, twisted events, and denied occurrences she vividly remembered. This constant erosion of her reality left her feeling bewildered, anxious, and deeply uncertain about her perception of truth.”

Individuals subjected to gaslighting often experience heightened anxiety, confusion, and a loss of trust in themselves. Over time, this can lead to a decline in self-esteem and a distorted self-perception. For those affected, seeking support and recognizing the signs early are crucial steps toward reclaiming their mental and emotional well-being.

Why Do People Resort to Gaslighting?

Gupta adds, “People resort to gaslighting for various reasons, often rooted in insecurities and a desire for control. Some use it to maintain dominance in a relationship, creating dependency and ensuring their power. Others employ gaslighting to avoid responsibility or deflect blame.” Narcissistic individuals, in particular, use it to preserve their inflated self-image by belittling others. Ultimately, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic to assert control, distort reality, and protect fragile egos.

Rohra shares steps to protect yourself from g

aslighting

1. Document ConversationsWriting down conversations that feel off and noting any commitments or promises made by the gaslighter can be invaluable in maintaining your sense of reality. Collecting proof helps reinforce your understanding of events.
2. Listen MindfullyListen carefully to what the gaslighter says without reacting emotionally. Stay calm and composed to avoid giving the gaslighter control over your emotions.
3. Check Your NotesWhen the gaslighter tries to spin lies, refer to your documented conversations to stay grounded in the truth. This helps you maintain a clear perspective on reality.
4. Confront with SpecificsIf necessary, confront the gaslighter with specific written points and evidence. Be direct and factual, focusing on concrete examples rather than abstract accusations.
5. Focus on Your FeelingsEmphasize how their actions make you feel rather than debating what is right or wrong. Protect your emotional well-being by prioritizing your feelings.
6. Stay Stoic and ConciseKeep your feelings hidden, remain stoic, and communicate concisely to safeguard your mental health. Avoid giving the gaslighter any emotional leverage.
7. Write Down Your TruthRecord your own feelings, needs, and boundaries. This practice helps reinforce your sense of reality and provides a clear framework for your emotional well-being.
8. Use the ‘Grey Rock’ TacticDisengage and remain as uninteresting as a grey rock, depriving the gaslighter of the attention they crave. This tactic helps reduce the gaslighter’s influence over you.
9. Seek SupportKeep friends and family close for emotional support. Surrounding yourself with trusted individuals helps counteract the isolation often caused by gaslighting.

Combating Gaslighting: Gupta shares some practical steps

1. Trust Your PerceptionYour reality is valid. If your partner denies clear facts or events you experienced, do not let them convince you that you have a bad memory or are “imagining things.” Keep a journal to document events and conversations, providing you with a tangible record to refer back to. Calmly but firmly assert your stance: “I don’t agree with your version of events, and I won’t argue about something I know to be true.”
2. Set Clear ConsequencesEstablish and communicate clear consequences for deceptive or reality-distorting behaviors. Follow through if the gaslighting continues; this might mean taking a break from the relationship or, if necessary, ending it to protect your well-being.
3. Seek Professional HelpCounseling can be invaluable in working through self-doubt and rebuilding confidence. A therapist can provide an objective perspective on healthy relationship dynamics and help you develop strategies to cope with and counteract gaslighting.

Gaslighters rely on lies and deception to erode your sense of self. It’s normal to doubt your version of reality when the manipulation comes from someone close to you, leading to confusion and negative self-talk. It’s never too late to take control of what type of people and thoughts occupy your personal and mental space. By trusting yourself, setting up a support system, and establishing firm boundaries, you can protect your mental health and sense of self—whether or not the gaslighter remains in your life.